Low point

I want to cut off my thigh and replace it with a new, working one that lets me run and run and not feel any pain.

I am so over this injury.

Not that I was ever the opposite of “over it”, whatever that is. But I was trying to look at it positively and see my forced time off from running as a period where I could concentrate on mental preparation, strength training and cross-training.

But yesterday marked a month until Boston and I’m not looking any better and honestly? I’m not doing okay with this. It’s all I can think about until I start crying and then I tell myself I’m not allowed to think about it but that never works for long.

I was given the go-ahead to try a 5km run on the treadmill at the physiotherapist’s office yesterday. I was SO worried about this, and all along the walk to physio I kept stressing about how it would go, until I got on the treadmill itself. You know how I feel about treadmills, but this was the first time in my life when I was just…overjoyed to use one. As soon as my music came on and the treadmill started to pick up speed, I just felt ALIVE. So cheesy but that Celine Dion song “It’s all coming back to me now” came to mind and it was like my legs remembered just what to do. I was so happy and all the stupid things I’ve been worrying about lately floated off and I just ran.

For the first two kilometers. Then my groin/quad/hip flexor started nagging at me. It wasn’t outright pain, so I didn’t stop. Maybe I should have? It just felt sore, so I kept going for the last three kilometers although it wasn’t the same as those first two blissful ones. When I finished I walked back to my apartment sloooowwwlly, because already my muscle was starting to go from sore to DYING. At home I assumed my old familiar position on the floor with a bag of frozen peas and alternated icing and foam rolling for probably an hour. My leg was killing, but nothing was working. By last night, I couldn’t walk again. Today, I can kind of shuffle around but walking anywhere longer than 2 minutes away is impossible.

So where am I??? Back to square one??? How is this possible – I’ve done EVERYTHING right. I took over 3 weeks off of running, completely. I iced, I foam rolled, I stretched every day, I went to physio three times a week where I got deep tissue muscle massages, acupuncture and ultrasounds. I strength trained and went swimming, my leg was feeling great, and now 5 little kilometers completely knocked me out. Oh yeah and AROUND THE BAY 30K IS IN A WEEK. Safe to say I won’t be running that.

Boston is in less than a month. Seriously, what am I supposed to do??? Please someone tell me it’s going to be alright and I’ll recover in time. I don’t even care what my time is at Boston. When I think back to a month ago when I was all confidently dreaming about PR-ing at Boston I just want to laugh/cry even harder. All that matters now is that I’m able to run it but after yesterday I don’t even know what to think.

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